Step three: face financial reality

Totted up the finances. I've got about $600, purely monopoly money here. It just offsets the £300 overdraft. So that's zero. If I cash in my premium bonds and sell the BT shares, that'll take me up to £700.

Shit.

Time to forget all ideas of hanging out at a yoga retreat for the next few months or learning to sail or in fact anything that requires any money at all. Lucy gave me some great advice last night. I asked her to let me know if she had any inspiration for me. She said: "I do. Get a job."

So this morning, I'm off to the Job Centre. Maybe I can sign on. It could be worth it just for the concession card. And it will definitely be a cultural experience.

Oh, and it's raining again. See view from two days again.

Step two: apply for a job

It's amazing how quickly the buzzwords come back. I've spent all day doing a skills CV for a marketing role with a learning and development consultancy. Even that last sentence... I can hear the chorus of 'bzzzz bingo!' ringing in my ears, probably three times.

I found a folder dedicated to fretting about my career. I have literally spent hours and hours over the years analysing my strengths and weaknesses, or should I say 'development areas'. 'Bzzz' once more.

So struck by the energy that went into all of this! And to what end? I'm not sure. So I can regurgitate it all on a piece of paper? I doubt very much I do anything differently as a result of it. Any change in my approach has come through actual experience, not just knowledge gained through my Myers-Briggs type, my typical Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode, my preferred Belbin team roles.... you still with me? I can hear the buzzer going furiously.

After completing this task, I then foolishly got lost in my blog from the past year. What was I thinking? Oh new and interesting experiences, described through normal use of the English language.... come back to me!

Never mind, as you can see, the sun is shining today, although I've not been outside at all to enjoy it, I've been hunched over the laptop. I did get dressed in my jeans and Alta hoodie today though - no sweatpants - and I even put in my contacts. Progress.

Step one: reading material

So, having said a tearful goodbye to Jane at 1732 E Hillrise Circle, I got to SLC airport with time to spare and dollars to spend. Where better to begin the return to 30 something concerns than with some reading material? So after 20 minutes in the bookshop, I emerge clutching 'From Me to We: Finding Meaning in a Material World', a copy of Yoga Journal and the Oprah magazine. Add that to 'The Power of Now', purchased in Target the day before, and I had plenty to occupy my thoughts on the very long flight. Certainly much more suitable for my advancing years than People and In Style and discussions on Britney's breakdown.

From 'Me to We' is written by the two brothers who set up Free the Children, a charity set up to free children from poverty and exploitation and also free young people from the notion that they are powerless to affect positive change in the world. I'd read something about one of the brothers somewhere before but hadn't really appreciated he'd been just twelve years old when he got it all going. Impressive stuff.

I also remember Alison J telling me to read 'The Power of Now' ages ago, I tried it and thought it was a load of new age mumbo jumbo, I didn't get past the first chapter. But reading it now, after the travel experiences and spending 10 days meditating in a Buddhist monastery, I know exactly what he's on about. I think this is progress.

Now it's day two of being back in the UK and pouring rain outside. Here's the view. Can you see the rainstreaks on the window? It really is pouring. Ah, British weather, how I've missed you.

So far, I feel content although very displaced. Probably not helped by the mountains of stuff surrounding me; what am I going to do with it all? But I have had a shower and I am dressed - if you can call velour sweatpants and an Alta hoodie dressed. I'll be looking through the grown-up wardrobe later.

Oh, and I think it's time to change this profile picture too. I'll go and find another one and waste a little more time.